over my head

2009-05-19T17:43:00.002+08:00

wow its been such a long time since i've been here.
i've lost touch with blogging and all.

i don't feel the need to blog anymore.
think i've grown out of that need - the need to publicise my life and daily activities.

so this is goodbye for now :)

2009-02-22T23:53:00.003+08:00

2009-02-19T23:30:00.002+08:00

wow i haven't felt this peace for a long while.
& it feels gd!

its not related to achievements or satisfaction.
cos i've not achieved anything this week. HAHA

hardly did any work, except a few here and there.
i feel quite stressed for the upcoming weeks & midterms & projects.

but i still feel peaceful and joyful!

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." - Luke 9:23

for the past few days i took up the cross,
and cast my worries behind me.

see how the Lord has given me peace within.
isn't He a great God?

if u call, will He not answer?
if u persist, will He not respond?

im glad that He's in my life again :)

on a separate note, huiting and i love Danny Gokey!!
although unlike HT, i don't cry when he sings.

haha. silly girl.

'hero' is now on my favourites playlist!

& he may/may not be the next american idol,
but he's a true hero!

& im a heroine!
i rescued all the oreo cookies and gave them a warm home in my stomach!

i burp :)

2009-01-28T00:15:00.002+08:00

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

- Matt 14:29-31

---

So do not fear, for I am with you:
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand..

for I myself will help you, declares the Lord,
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.

- Isaiah 41:10-14

---

it's a relief to know that God will catch me immediately when i fall,
and to know that i don't have to be dismayed for He will strengthen me.

because i fall too fast, too far and too often.

it amazes me,
but above all, it leaves me in dismay.

im truly appalled by how sinful human nature can be,
and im convinced that none of us can remain righteous without God.

i can't describe it but its really so hard.
even if u think that u have God in u, u'll still fall, somehow.

u know how they say that sin blocks us from God?

i felt it, more real than ever.
the effect was instant, lasting and depressing.

and all i can do is to come back to the cross.
begging, because i am so weak and poor in spirit.

I need Your grace and mercy.

2009-01-24T23:32:00.002+08:00

i thought i'd be filled with a wonderful sense of accomplishment and happiness.

but i was wrong.

after a terribly long day of studying hard, i was confronted with a feeling of emptiness as i lay on the bed.
that has got to be the worst feeling in the world.

i slogged all day and finished all my work,
hoping to feel satisfied, relieved and happy.

i was tired and sleepy,
but above all that my heart, mind and soul felt so terribly empty.

i'd never felt so horrible in my life.
and then i couldn't stop the tears.

and as they fell, i suddenly thought,
why the heck am i crying?!

my mind went blank.
and i thought to myself, i have no freaking idea why im crying.

it's days like these that make me think im getting old and cranky.
2009: im hitting 20!

but above all,
it's days like these that reunite me with the Lord.

i always tell myself,
i want to study hard, get good grades and earn money to glorify God.
but who am i kidding?

99% of the time i just want good grades so that i will look smart and have a good portfolio to get a good job and earn lots of money to buy a big house and pretty cars.

99% of the time, God is not in the picture.

it's hard.

but after that terrible and emotional night,
i realised and felt certain things which i've never truly understood before.

it is so true that money can't buy everything.
money can't buy happiness.

success and accomplishments can only bring u so far.
after a hard day's work, i still felt empty.

it came as a huge shock to me, and i guess it threw me overboard for a little while.

but i've straightened out some thoughts.
obviously i will pursue good grades, career and etc in the future,
but all i really want is just to go home to a loving family every single day of my life.

i don't want to feel empty.
so i invite the Lord to fill my life once again and to make me whole.

in any areas of my heart and life that are void,
i ask Him to fill it with His all-consuming fire.

in anything which i feel im lacking in,
i ask that He grant me wisdom to recognise that His grace is sufficient for me.

for this is what He has promised:

'neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,
neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from the love of God.'

2009-01-18T23:03:00.002+08:00

the stillness of the night.
the cool breeze.
the fresh air.
the pounding of my heart.
the strength in my legs.
the pretty pink flowers.
the ever-faithful shadow.

as i ran, i couldn't help but feel a sense of overwhelming joy and peace.

i knew He was with me.
always was, always is, always will be.
every step, every stride, every leap.

i know im back in His everlasting arms, and i never want to leave this place of comfort.

this joy, this peace,
it's indescribable, it's uncontainable.

i want to keep it and never give it away, for anything in the world.

to love Him, worship Him, glorify Him.
with all my heart, soul and strength.

im in his grace, and life is beautiful.

:)

2009-01-01T23:04:00.001+08:00

my new yr resolution?

just study and stop whining abt what i can't have.

2008-12-26T18:34:00.000+08:00

Dear God,
How i miss being in your favour.

2008-12-04T20:40:00.002+08:00

huiting's entry really struck a familiar chord.
i feel exactly the same way.

as 2008 draws to a close, a sudden flood of disappointment overwhelms my heart and soul.
i feel sad; i feel a sense of loss.

what exactly did i lose? myself.

this year i've allowed myself to be lost to the world.
as i recall bits and pieces of happenings, thoughts, actions and events, i realised i've truly lost myself; i've allowed myself to lose control.

university especially has opened my eyes to the world--a world which i've succumbed to.

this year has changed me, and i dare not say that it was for the better.

i cannot describe in words this feeling of sadness.
and i know as the years progress, i can never go back to the person i was before.

face it, we will never be that little innocent child anymore.

a part of me feels excited, the future holds so much for us.
yet a part of me feels extremely sad, i miss the old me and the old days.

i miss the days when everything was provided for; now we've to think of how to provide for ourselves.
i miss the days when life was like a multiple-choice qns; now life is open-ended.

of all things that make me sad,
the saddest is that i've given my soul to the world.

in the beginning of the year, i was filled with hope and anticipation.
i wanted to lose myself to the Lord, i wanted to be empowered and consumed with His fire,
i wanted to walk with Him everyday and be filled with joy.

now i ask myself, has all that been fulfilled?

not at all.
the total opposite, in fact.

i've not been walking faithfully in His light,
i've allowed myself to be weakened and consumed by desires of the world.

as i sing praises and love songs to the Lord,
i can't help but feel hypocritical--i love the world more than Him who has given everything for me and who has given me everything.

in fact i can't even say that i love Him at least 1/4 of how much i love the world.

i feel like a total let-down.
and i can feel his disappointment in me.

i was thinking all these in the gym today,
and as i sat on the bench doing some exercise my tears just started to flow.

i bet it was a weird sight for all the other gymmers.
but i couldn't help it.

i wish i could learn to love the world less and love God more.
i wish to wrestle my heart and soul back from the world, and hand it to the Lord.

that shall be my new year resolution for 2009.

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

2008-12-01T01:04:00.001+08:00

life after exams = boring.

i feel lonely.

2008-11-05T13:57:00.002+08:00

so history is made.

Change has come to America.
but may i ask, for better or for worse?

history has a way of repeating itself and generating screwups.

after all that is happening in the world,
i can safely say that i've almost no confidence left in the leaders of the world.

they can promise all they want,
they can assure whatever they like,
but they will never fully deliver.

all those stirring words of hope fail to convince me.

witnessing the financial and numerous other crises in the world,
im convinced this is a path of no return.
destruction is on its way.

and the Lord is on his way.

He is the greatest leader of all.
He is the one we should place our hopes in.

presidents, prime ministers and kings,
they fall and fail.

they promise and they fail to deliver.

but God's promise stands forever,
and his deliverance is assured for all who believes and obeys.

in this world where change is the new constant,
(and in today's context where America believes they are the change)
God is the true constant.

His love is unconditional and unchanging.
put your faith in him and he will never fail u.

2008-10-27T17:42:00.001+08:00

hiiiiii im sick of life and school and everything.

i need to find peace.

2008-10-25T23:02:00.002+08:00

hello (:

seems like a long time since i've been here.
i've been lazy!! haha

"midterms" are finally over, namely comms presentation and biz law paper.
"midterms" because, its actually 2 weeks after the mid term?? strange.

well. after 10 weeks of uni life,
i must say that ITS MUCH BETTER THAN JC.

seriously, the content so far has not been heavy/doesn't require much memorising.
unlike freaking bio or chem in jc which were like IF DON'T STUDY CONFIRM GG.

had biz law paper this aftn,
and i don't understand why some ppl were freaking out over it even though they know they've studied damn hard and there's nth else they can do.

AND ITS OPEN BOOK TEST SOMEMORE.

freaking out to the extent of heart beating damn fast/hands trembling??
wth??

i have no idea how i will do for the paper though.
never sat for such a thing before.

it was a mad rush of typing nonstop for 1.5 hours.
first time writing an essay without even planning.
any law shit just dump it in. haha joke.

prof said each case shld discuss 7 - 8 issues,
but i only have like 4 - 5 for the first case??

haha oh well.
we'll see what happens when it happens.

but working with so many different types of ppl,
thats gotta be the most challenging part of these 10 wks.

i've never experienced so much frustration w ppl before this.

and i realise, ppl can be really different.
to the extent of being extremely annoying and intolerable.

and sometimes u just wonder,
WHY DO THEY THINK IN SUCH A SCREWED UP MANNER??

or why don't they know that this is what should be done??

sometimes i find it strange.
sometimes i understand.
sometimes i feel so annoyed.

most of the time? i try to be as nice as possible.
i guess. haha.

im typing this for the sake of typing and hoping that it will make me sleepy so that i can go and sleep but its not working.

so. good bye!

2008-09-26T23:10:00.003+08:00

Amazing Grace (My chains are gone) - Chris Tomlin

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

--

What else can i do but to thank you Lord,

for your unending love and your amazing grace?

Those were possibly the worst 3 days of my life ever.

I'll never forget this lesson.

2008-09-20T15:19:00.002+08:00

some random stuff:

GINAAA! I MISS U! :(
-

mum made me drink birds nest.
wanna vomit now.
-

been waking up at 9am on most mornings feeling even more sleepy than i was the night before.
-

spilled lots of water on the floor, on my wooden drawer, and the carpet.
-

sick of studying.
-

time to stop being a slug and get some exercise.
-

2008-09-03T22:26:00.002+08:00

freely you gave it all for us
surrendered your life upon that cross
great is the love
poured out for all
this is our God

lifted up high from death to life
forever our God is glorified
servant and king
rescued the world
this is our God

-
-

i like the Hillsongs Live 2008 'This is our God' album.

i love how many of the songs are not the typical kind of songs,
where we're crying about our needs and we're so broken,
and how God turns our weakness to strength,
u know, that sort of lyrics.

but instead, its songs that proclaim 'this is our God'.
this is God, his glory, and his love.
simple.

i think sometimes we need to break away from the 'me, myself and i' mentality,
and focus on who God is instead,
his love, his might, his power, his glorious kingdom.

-

Crucified to set me free
now i live to bring you praise.

2008-08-25T20:44:00.002+08:00

well.

a thought that sometimes occurs to me-

sometimes people disappoint me.
sometimes i disappoint people.

sometimes its the people u least expect to disappoint u who disappoints u the most.

but God will never disappoint u and me.

-
-

None but Jesus.

2008-08-21T23:29:00.002+08:00

ajhdohwfbishcsuenncossjllk !!!!!!!!

i hate http://email.smu.edu.sg

close to 100 emails a day its a bloody kok im so disgusted by it i swear im gonna abandon it soon if this shit doesn't stop ahhhhhhhhhhh i feel like sending hate mail to all those CCA groups that keep on spamming after all that they spam i think i dont wanna join their group anymore haha ahhhhh i hate it

save me from the outlook monster!

2008-08-18T22:13:00.003+08:00

"Even to your old age and gray hairs,
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you."

Isaiah 46:4

-
-

first day of school!
it was boring.

first lesson comm101 started at 8.30am and ended at 9.15am.
JOKE.

i was bored.

i am still bored.

2008-08-08T17:43:00.003+08:00

today was a depressing day.

all i can say is that im really dreading sch.

i know i've said this a million times,
but i have to say it again.

i really dread the stress, the exams, the projects, the deadlines, the busyness.

i even dread making new friends.
i don't really want to, but i have to.

i hate having to do things for survival.
the feeling of having no choice. no choice.

there's also a sense of fear in me.
esp after the BOSS bidding.

its like, im finally responsible for my own learning, my own life.

i've to plan and map out my 4 yrs (or shorter i hope).
i've to bid for my modules and make sure i can complete the degree in time.
i've to plan my modules such that i can go for overseas trips and exchange.

i've to have a perfect plan, or near-perfect.

the feeling of having so much responsibility in your hands,
its quite overwhelming.

by right i should feel a sense of liberty.
im free from the shackles of the rigid primary and secondary education system.

but i feel scared, i feel lost.

and i feel a strange sense of loss.
i feel so old.

i feel like im losing my 8months-long holiday break and freedom.
and the truth is, i really am. haha how sad

im not kidding, i really feel sad about it.
so sad that i actually cried for some time this afternoon.

and i really longed for someone who understands how i feel,
who doesnt think im silly for feeling this way,
who will tell me its ok,
who will make sure that everything goes right.

went to the playground to emo for a while.
it was rather therapeutic, sitting on the swing,
feeling the breeze, writing in the sand.

20mins ago i finally seeked God's voice.
i've left him out of my life ever since FTB camp,
thats abt 1 week ago.

no wonder i was so empty.
i've not felt so empty for a long while.

this emptiness, it makes me weep.
it frightens me.

and so our ever-faithful God spoke to me:

i opened my study bible, and guess what the topic was?
SCHOOL. (isn't that amazing?)

it says:

alternative definition of sch-
a place where teens have to learn stuff adults never use but say teens will need some day.

HAHA funny.

'try to think of school as a opportunity to practice your faith.
Like in the way u study, or with that teacher u can't stand.
you can live your christian life openly in your school.'

Colossians 3:17
'whatever u do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.'

And then God addressed my feelings of loss and freedom:

2 Corinthians 3:17
'Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.'

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
'Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.'

I thank God for his teachings and reminders,
for the hope and life we have in him.

all i ask is that He restores peace in my heart,
and gives me the strength to adapt and face the challenges ahead.

because today i just feel so weak and so alone.

have u ever wished that God could be more tangible?

today i really wished that God could appear right before me,
give me a hug that i can actually feel,
speak to me so that i can really hear,
walk beside me with arms around my shoulders.

perhaps that would make it so much easier to have faith.

but then that wouldn't be faith anymore, would it?
faith is trusting in the intangible.

i just pray that in this 4 yrs of uni and the life ahead,
i won't lose myself, i won't lose who i am,
and i won't lose what i believe in.

2008-07-29T20:08:00.002+08:00

so my long holiday is ending.
i feel weird.

i feel excited abt the new environment,
new friends, new teachers, new things to study.

but i feel sad just thinking abt exams,
stress, work, projects, deadlines.

and mostly, the busyness,
the feeling that 24hrs is just not enough for one day.
its really not enough!!

FTB camp's on thurs.
supposed to have a group dinner today to get to know each other,
but it was cancelled.

strangely, i felt pleased and relieved.

then i realised,
im so contented with my life and my small circle of friends.

i don't feel any need to expand the circle.

im like some lil frog in the well,
jumping happily with the few other frogs.

it may be a bigger and better world out there.
but im happy staring at my small and pretty patch of the big blue sky.

silly as it may be, i don't wanna jump out of my well.

perhaps thats just the way i am, u know?
just happy with what i have.
i have all that i need and i don't need what i don't have.

if someone gives me a huge mansion,
i may not want it.

i'll probably take it, sell it and buy a smaller house.
use the rest of the money to buy a pretty car (or two) and save the remainder if there's any.

i've never been one with big dreams and ambitions.
i could've pursued bigger things if i wanted to, i know i had opportunities.

even if time could be reversed, i'd still make the same decisions.

i'll still choose to give up the fast and the furious life,
for the quiet and the simple life.

right now im just anticipating the start of a new chapter of my life -- uni.

and for the next 5-10 yrs, im giving my all.

2008-07-22T22:36:00.004+08:00

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY TO SINGAPORE IN ADVANCE! :)

went for the parade preview on saturday.
the black knights and the fireworks were cool!

the colourful screens were cool and pretty too!

SO PRETTY AND DELIGHTFUL!

i feel so happy looking at them. haha

the black knights and fireworks were really cool.

im glad i get to see them again on the actual day! haha :)

the only thing that was NOT COOL was the rain and the damn plastic-bag poncho and the CARDBOARD GOODIE BAG which broke after getting drenched.

apparently the goodie bag designers didn't consider the wet weather consequences.

joke.

but i like the kinky inflatable 'toys'.. HA

shall not elaborate.

movie reviews ahead!

THE DARK KNIGHT was a cool show.

i love the joker, i really hope ledger gets a posthumous oscar.

didn't think he was scary.

in fact he was sadistically yet endearingly comical.

the action scenes could have been better.

it was kinda short and messy.

but nevertheless, 4 thumbs up.

RED CLIFF.

watch the first 15 mins, and the last 25 mins.

in between, pls take a nap.

part two in the making.

HELLBOY.

some pretty ugly creatures out there fighting it out in a pretty predictable plot.

loved the forest monster though.

WANTED.

pretty cool show with nice plot twists although smarter people unlike me would probably have predicted those twists.

jolie is scarily thin.

overall winner:

THE DARK KNIGHT! DUH.

haha i loved it.

damn cool.

ok. time to sleep and rest my body.

its not nice having stomach flu.

feels like a million cows burped into my belly.

2008-07-10T15:07:00.003+08:00

i think God can be so amazingly vicious at times.
its so amazing that u feel nothing but gratitude towards his vicousness.

anw im quite excited abt my cambodia idea!
jason said its a good idea to!
i really need to speak to pastor chang and check out how viable it would be.

i really really really hope it'll work out!
God please this is for u! so exciting! :)

-
-

this is a beautiful song.

In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;T
ill He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

2008-07-09T21:09:00.005+08:00

An emotional afternoon.

-

at that point, i believed pictures say a thousand words.

and sitting on the swing until my ass really hurt,
but not as much as my head and eyes and heart.

as i was swinging to and fro, i had a thought.

life is rather like the swing, isn't it?
with one kick, it goes higher and higher and higher and higher..

and then the momentum is lost.

it goes lower and slower and lower and slower.

and then, it stops.

i wish time would stop instead.

there was a pretty sunset but no one to watch it with.
but i felt so alone.

this is my cry, Lord.

-
-
-

i don't know what happened today.

but as for ytd, i was feeling rather sian after matriculation.
i felt so. overwhelmed.

there seems like so much to do.
classes, projects, cip, exchange, ccas..

how will i have enough time for myself, my family, my friends, ken, exercise, relaxation?!

i guess i was just being paranoid.
but its just that im stubborn, i don't want to sacrifice anything.

lets just say that, i wished to have the best of ALL worlds.

i want to prove to myself and everyone that i can manage my time.
i can accomplish everything and do them well.

but i feel so scared.
what if i can't?

some things will suffer.
im so scared that it will be the thing i care the most about.

the thought itself was so painful.

i broke down and cried out to God.
i told God i felt terribly empty and i really needed his love and assurance.

his reply?
Romans 8:37-39

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For i am convinced that neither death no life, neither angels nore demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

thank u, Lord.

i slept well after that.
i felt reassured and peaceful.

but today, was a different story.

2008-07-08T22:52:00.001+08:00

overwhelmed.

i feel scared, i feel tired, i feel empty.

pls God help me.

2008-07-04T21:24:00.002+08:00

the pursuit of happyness,
or more grammatically correct, happiness.

happyness.
haha so cute!

i watched it today,
cos clarice gina and val psycho-ed me to watch it ytd.
they said it'll make u cry like mad.

WHERE GOT?!?! BLUFF ME!
i didn't shed a single tear. hahaha joke

but i must say its a well produced show.
and it really made me think about my pursuits in life.

it made me think so much to the point of STONING,

& stoning to the point of-
FORGETTING TO CAP MY MANGOSTEEN JUICE PROPERLY BEFORE PUTTING IT INTO MY BAG THEREFORE CAUSING A MANGOSTEEN JUICE FLOOD IN MY NIKE BAG

after which, in my attempt to clean up the mess,
i accidentally slammed my bag into a puddle of (dirty?) water beside the sink thinking that it was actually dry.

u wouldn't like to see my black face after tt.

ALERT: UNGLAM RETARD BLOGGING FURTHER ABT BORING STUFF!

.
.
.

anw as i was saying,
the movie made me think abt my pursuits in life.

after some thought,
i decided that my life shouldn't be a pursuit of happiness.

it should be a pursuit of God's own heart.
like King David, i want to be a '(w0)man after God's own heart'.

as Maslow's hierarchy of needs correctly says,
we're all bound to pursue material things-
food, clothes, money, career etc.

they're necessary of cos.

but more often than not we're trapped in the pursuit and never really get out of the rat race.

happiness is rather impossible.
even when i find that life's getting really comfy and perfect,
there're still days of depression and anxiety.

higher on the hierarchy, there's love.

i must say it brings much joy and happiness.
but there're also days of upset and sadness.

highest on the hierarchy, there's spiritual need.

yet sadly ppl never really reach there.
because they're still working their way from the bottom,
trying to meet their basic needs.

i think its like a slippery ladder.

sometimes u earn more than enough,
but u never really think its enough because the consumption function is a upward sloping graph.

(haha. words of an econs student)

so u reach a higher rung of the ladder,
but u somehow always slip down to the bottom again and begin pursuing even more.

so i decided, i don't want to pursue happiness,
because u always have to start from the bottom and u never really reach the top.

it is a difficult thing to pursue.

when we set our hearts on pursuing happiness,
we lose focus.

we pursue career, we earn money,
and then we forget to give back to God,
we forget what He first gave us.

worse still, we forget Him.
we put Him beneath all our pursuits.

it sounds all too familiar.

i can imagine God's pain,
i can feel His heart breaking.

i don't want to be such a disappointment to God.
i don't ever want to find myself in that position.

therefore i shall not even PUT myself in that position.

pursuit of God's heart :)

.
.

i will give my all to give him glory,
for the cause of Christ i live

2008-07-02T20:58:00.001+08:00

gosh. its been a really sian day.

i don't have any mood to do anything now.

sian beyond words.
i wish the days would just pass by quickly.

2008-07-02T14:09:00.002+08:00

have i ever complained how much i hate bathing?

actually its not that i hate bathing.
a bath refreshes your body and mind, and i agree with that totally,

but only as long as the bath lasts.

once u get out of the shower,
meaning u're still in the toilet but just out of the shower,

u start to sweat.

u're no longer refreshed.
u're back to square one.

AND THATS HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW, DAMNIT.

whats the point of bathing in this weather, seriously?

u bathe, hoping tt u'll smell nice,
and look and feel clean when u go out.

u put on pretty, clean clothes and u feel good.

but the moment u step out of the house,
u're already half drenched in sweat.

your face and body and hair are sticky,
and your clothes are damp.

.
.
.

thats just fantastic, isn't it.

honestly, i hate bathing.

and i just bathed.
and im going out now.

and im gonna sweat.

so. u know.

2008-06-29T17:38:00.005+08:00

i miss these girls!
fellow ah lians, same same but different! :)

guess who's who??

--

Euro finals tonight!
my mum allowed me to go ken's house to watch the match which is at 3am??
DAMN AMAZING LA

tried to catch some sleep just now.
woke up after 1hr, planning to swim.
but decided im too lazy to swim, so tried to go back to sleep.

but couldnt sleep anymore.

damnit. joke.

now im just sitting here waiting for dinner time. HAHA
contemplating whether i shld eat a POLAR chicken pie but its so close to dinner time alr.

ah. dilemma.

i love polar cakes and puffs :)

im terribly bored.

2008-06-25T20:26:00.002+08:00

hello im feeling really tired physically.
arms aching from tennis + badminton on mon and tues,
and run + gym today!

REALLY TIRED.

crossed the road with eyes half closed.
think i could even have fell asleep crossing the road.

joke.

my skin is radiating alot of heat now.
IM BURNING HAHA

went to raffles hosp for medical checkup for uni today.
its freaking disorganised!

think they shld have a better name-calling system.
like maybe an electronic board so that they can type the names and the room number

instead of every minute shouting out some damn long name esp if its indian name!
shout 3 times somemore. joke

and then if there's sleepy patients like me, call my name 10times also i cannot hear.

ok anw.
then must make payment first before collecting the medical report at a different counter.

so being the usual retard,
i paid up and left. forgot to collect the report.

walked halfway to the mrt, then suddenly remembered.

cursed like hell, but still have to walk back and collect. JOKE!

went to orchard alone after tt.
there was a mango sale, but everything's in a mess.
see also dont wanna buy.

sian la.
i wanna buy sth but there's like nth to buy!?!?!

and i dropped my hp pouch somewhere in town.
i dont know where.. damn pissed can.

all because of the damn big and irritating X-RAY film i had to carry.
which keeps flying and smacking other ppl's legs when the wind blows cos the surface area is damn big

can u imagine at orchard road,
i walk past everybody and their legs kena slapped by it.
all stare at me la. hahaha

its been a while since i've blogged like this, abt the day's events.

anw good bye.

2008-06-19T23:45:00.002+08:00

sigh i miss Cambodia and the village and the paddy fields and the cows and the kids.

and i really miss those meaningful days.

im really not in a good mood right now and i can't get to sleep.
at this moment, i'd give anything to be transported back in time.

back to the bright and sunny kampong chnang.
with TIGER shouting my name and climbing up the red ants tree
and sitting in sokpun's hammock and them rocking me until im damn scared! haha

o well.

im just feeling angsty for no reason.
after i sleep and wake up tmr morning, i'll be normal again.

but for now i really need to try and get to sleep.

2008-06-03T14:10:00.000+08:00

off to cambodia.

i'll be back on the 12th midnight!

GOODBYE!

2008-06-01T23:19:00.001+08:00

this line from a song timothy sent me really speaks to me:

pls take from me my life, when i don't have the strength to give it to you, Jesus.

2008-05-29T12:44:00.002+08:00

Reading huiting's most recent entry got me into this pensive mood.

I can't exactly identify with her sadness regarding her grandma's illness,
but i understand what she feels -

to be sad, or not?

Just as huiting put it, "What am I supposed to feel, God?"

Seems strange huh.
Why would u need to ask God what u're supposed to feel?

But i understand that, im feeling like that right now.

well of cos we shldn't be sad, we know God will work it out,
we know God is here to save us, we know He has given us hope etc etc.

we know, we know, we know all these.

but why is there a strange need to let sadness into our hearts sometimes?
sometimes, it seems strangely RIGHT and natural to be sad, doesn't it?

or perhaps, i've just been happy for too long.
maybe im sick of being happy and i'd like to feel sad for a little while.

no, thats just silly -.-

well i don't know.

im just in this mood right now -

frustrated, anxious, worried abt life/future/everything,
while at the same time knowing tt i don't hv to worry cos God will work it out in His own time.

Yet despite knowing tt & being reassured of tt,
i still feel the need to worry and be anxious and frustrated.

i know its stupid.
why would i want to worry and feel the need to be worried.
why would i want to make myself feel down.

perhaps these occassional moody days keep me grounded.
they remind me of my lack of faith, they remind me of my human-ness and worldliness.

Yet they also remind me who i am,
and who God is, and what He is able to do.

Im typing this with tears in my eyes.
But i don't know why.
It isn't sadness; it isn't happiness.

But now i feel God's loving arms around me.
I feel Him comforting me, I feel His presence.

It is sth that i havent felt for a long time.
Perhaps i've been so far away from His presence for such a long time.

Perhaps it is this overwhelming presence that is causing me to tear.

I must admit, i've let myself drift too far away.
I've opened up windows in my heart and soul that allowed Satan to sow seeds of fear and worry and anxiety.

Everyday i find myself worrying -

Will i pass my driving test?
Why do i keep getting the bastard instructor?
When will i find a tuition assignment?
How do i earn more money instead of spending it all?
What should i do with my money?
Will i ever be able to earn enough to get a car and house?
What will i do in the future? Own business? What sort? Or sth else?
What will uni be like?
Will it be very stressful?
Will i have enough time to juggle parttime tuition and projects and other things?
Will my mom allow me to go to phuket in july with 9hearts?
How should i ask her?

So many things weigh on my mind right now.

When will the worries ever end?
It will never end, will it?

I miss Cambodia and playing with the kids there.
In times like that, u really forget all your worries.

Sometimes i envy them.
Their lives are just so simple.

But well of cos, they would have much to worry about in time to come when they grow older.

sigh.

Its time to wipe away the silly tears and be sensible and let God's reassurance sink in.

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings,
because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character;
and character, hope.
And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." -Romans 5;2-5

"In all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8;37-39

Its time to make my heavy heart light again.
Time to get my sluggish ass off the chair and have a nice workout!

2008-05-29T11:54:00.002+08:00

i have nothing to say.
just very sian.

DIE, KAMAL, DIE, DIE. DIE.

2008-05-18T22:18:00.002+08:00

BOO!

TODAY I WOULD LIKE TO SAY A BIG FAT OBESE HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BIG FAT OBESE UNCLE WONG! :)

ANYWAY,

after 1 week of slack, im starting to feel the painful effects of UNEMPLOYMENT!
where is all the money going to?!

and after 1 week of manal driving, im starting to hate it!
its mother annoying!

can't wait to faster get my license so i can drive auto car instead.

i want to drive my sexy maserati gt!
eh shit, is it manual?!?! pls say no!

anw im heading to cambodia pretty soon.
3-12 june. quite excited abt it!

but i have no clue who the heck is going with me?!
besides pastor chang, yining, and some other unknowns.

but its fine, i'll learn to work outside my comfort zone.
its all in the name of God anw!

and it feels gd tt im slowly getting my spiritual life back on track.
restarted my daily quiet time after a brief period of slacking off.

feels good to be rebuilding that relationship with God again.
i feel so much more peaceful and relaxed!

i guess today's sermon really spoke volumes to me.

''.. Surely i will be with u till the end of the age.''
Matt 28;20

God promises his unconditional, unchanging and unending presence.
isn't that the most assuring and encouraging promise?

everytime i think abt this, i'll feel very guilty and sorry.

He's there when i forget Him.
He's there even when i remember Him, but yet refuse to make time for Him.
He's there when i consciously choose worldy things over Him.

He's there waiting, waiting for me to call Him.

I always make Him wait.
im sorry :(

reminds me of the story of the blindman and his guide dog.
when the blindman died, the dog still continued to wait patiently everyday.
until finally it died as well.

God's faithfulness is unparalled, and as much as i try,
I can't even be half as faithful to Him.

read viola's blog and im really glad that she's coming back to God!
her entry made me realise certain things too.

some ppl after being blessed, forget all abt God, forget that it was God who blessed them.

but sometimes, like viola and gina,
after being blessed so immensely by God, we realise how unworthy we are.
& we come back to the Lord crying with guilt and joy at the same time.

it made me realise how blessed i am.
God has brought me a long way frm pri sch all the way to A levels with good results,
getting into the uni of my choice, having such great friends and a nice sexy obese boy

how often do we look back and really sincerely thank God for what we have?

yet perhaps the best thing we can thank God for is not all this,
but instead, it is His everlasting presence and love.

thats all i will ever need.

2008-05-08T22:03:00.002+08:00

YAY! LAST DAY OF WORK TMR! I AM SO HAPPY!

actually no la, not feeling very happy.
feeling quite sian.

2 babies just invaded my room and now it smells like shit cos one of them/both of them shitted/farted

i'll be really free next week!
quite excited to be driving everyday but its gonna be a nightmare with all the traffic at 8am!

after that i have the whole entire day to slack & lead a tai-tai life.

i'll attempt to clear my economist mags.
i have unread issues since. .. november '07. GG!

sigh.
now i really understand what adults mean when they say they'd rather be studying than working!

working life is really horrid.
office politics + lack of organisation + I KEEP EATING?!?!?! + damn sleepy + go home so late

but of cos the good thing is, EARN MONEY!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

it feels gd to not have to depend on your parents for money.
and because of that, they have one less hold on u.

freedom feels good.

but i guess, i hv to go back to being somewhat dependent on them soon.
after my work ends, my source of income is gone! SIGH!

ok sian of typing.

2008-05-02T23:06:00.002+08:00

hello im stoning.

life has been boring, with a few exceptions.
one of which was the A Div Bowling Nationals where RJ girls swept every category!

congrats girls & boys, u have made me a proud senior!

ok i hv nothing to blog now.

2008-04-22T12:01:00.002+08:00

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight."
-Proverbs 3:5-6

this is the verse which reunited me with God this morning.
after weeks of spiritual desert and bad moods,
im running back into His embrace.

im ready to surrender all to Him,
and to really mean it when i say that.

this time im sincere about it.

and then God said to me, its been a long time..
at that moment i couldn't help but tear.

im sorry for the weeks of insincerity and distrust.
i did try my best actually, but perhaps thats just the way He wanted it to be.

whatever it is, there is a lightness in my spirit now.
and i feel truly at peace.

:)

and im slacking in office.

2008-04-13T21:23:00.002+08:00

HELLO!

just finished packing my cupboard of clothes.
i admit i nv fail to be amazed at the amt of clothes i hv!
accumulated from 10yrs ago.

when u open the cupboard its like BOOOOM!! hahaha

cleared my shelves too.
threw away rubbish notes but kept all my precious UN-USED textbooks.

i just like to display them. HAHA

i also kept alot of magazines cos i like to collect them.
hey u never know when they might come in handy!

e.g., for wrapping presents or reading when u're bored.

sometimes its just nice to flip through and look at the clothes! haha

i can't wait to move man.
but im gonna be real busy when that time comes.

RAHHHH!

sifting through the yearbooks and photos and notes made me feel really nostalgic.
esp sec 3-4 yrs, i really miss it!

those were the days when u just get by each day blissfully,
without having to think abt your future.

now every moment im constantly thinking 'what next, what next'
opportunities are constantly being presented, u have to take them or maybe not

u have to make decisions, u have to make moves, u have to make plans

life is a big headache at times like these.

but well, we all have to go through it!

btw driving is a joke.
i think im quite ok, except my turning sucks.
either too early or too late or too sharp or forget to slow down.
HAHA

but i like to turn fast leh.
shiok what!

but it pisses the instructor off haha joke

sian. work tmr. again.

2008-04-07T23:32:00.002+08:00

it doesn't pay to be nice.
the world is too damn screwed up for that.

maybe this time, i shld just take things into my own hands.

for all those years of trying to be a gd example, it doesn't pay.

sometimes i wish i hv the guts to be selfish,
to not care abt their opinion, to just for once be inconsiderate.

wish i had the guts to say "ITS MY LIFE, WHY DO U CARE?"

but maybe, just maybe,
i wasn't born with a heart to do such things.

i care too much, i don't love myself enough.
i mean, how can i possibly do things to hurt the ppl i love?

even if im at the losing end, i'd still not want to hurt them.

what do u call that?
is that weakness? maybe.
im not strong enough to be aggressive and go for the things i want.

but deep down inside,
i feel proud of myself, i have this feeling that God is proud of me.

for obeying him and honouring my parents.
for not causing them much grief and worry.

despite how disgruntled i feel, how shortchanged i feel,
i know deep down that this is the way it is going to remain.

continue being the nice kid.
that, or find a way around it.

there has to be a way around it.

the key is communication and prayer.
i need to pray for God to open their hearts, break them out of their mould.
beause if they are going to remain adamant abt their protective views then no amt of communication is going to be successful.

it will just lead to more frustration and restriction.

i need to think this through.
GOD HELP ME! PAPA IN HEAVEN HELP ME PLS!

2008-04-05T22:48:00.002+08:00

walao eh.
DAMN FULL!

burping some hor fun + redbeanmilkice + donut zhup la.
damn gross.

in 50yrs time i'll be an obese whale, beached, and basking under the sun. haha

vantage point is quite a nice show.
liked it, except that forest whitaker's eyes are damn disturbing.

I AM DAMN FULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL AND BLOATED URGGGGG

pastor's wife diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.
was so shocked aft reading the email.

sigh!

life is fleeting.
let us make the best and give our best in every moment.

truly scary.

im ending my work contract on 9th May.
then im free!

not really free la.
still got driving and stuff.

but more or less free.
free from the stress of having to search for invoices which are not even there in the first place.

seriously if i were to run a company or to manage a department,
it would not be run that way.

why have such a massive office space,
plenty of cabinets, literally sprawling,
BUT EMPTY!!

they dont use the cabinets to keep files.
their cabinets, keep air.

instead they bundle up precious invoices with rubber bands.
and slap them onto this long table-top.

and when u wanna find a single piece,
u're to embark on this mother annoying treasure hunt.

not only that, the invoices are not arranged in sequence.
not like 1 2 3 4 5..

its like 276, 136, 23, 58, 137. ..

then when u want to find 26, u have to search through every single stack, every single piece.

joke of my life!

sian shit.

im going to sleep.

2008-03-29T20:17:00.002+08:00

having one of the worst days of my life.

i really feel very frightened.
the way this affects me is so terribly frightening.

u feel your chest tighten.
and u can't breathe.

but u have to put up a front for others.
u have to seem like nothing's wrong.

u don't want to invite questions from others.
questions that u have no answer to.

i've no idea why im so bloody troubled.
but something feels wrong and its disturbing me very badly.

im frightened because i've come to realise,
that i've really put all my heart and soul and life into this.

and it cannot be undone.

all my hopes and dreams for the future.
have u ever wondered if they don't come true?
what the bloody hell are u going to do?

i would be so lost.

thoughts like these really frighten me.
i don't like and don't want to think abt it,
because of the very fact that im actually quite an optimistic person.

but at times like these,
i can't help but think abt it.
im just so overwhelmed by all these fears.

to put all your eggs into one basket-
what if its the wrong basket?
what if the basket breaks?

what ifs.

life is full of what ifs.

i know extremely well that if we trust and believe in the Lord,
all these what ifs should not bother us.

i mean, hey look, God has a perfect plan for us.
He who began this mighty work in us, will surely carry it to completion.

i know that. i know it.
i keep reminding myself-
'God is good. Trust in Him.'

but sometimes we're all just TOO HUMAN.

alot of things are easier said than done.

our physical beings persuade us to trust in tangible things rather than God.

i mean, u don't see him, u don't touch him,
its so easy to fall away, so easy to omit, so easy to forget.

i can't boast of having very strong faith.
i can't boast of being very devoted or dedicated.

but i do know that i try.

however it seems like i fail in whatever i try.
or maybe its just today.

i realise how fearful i am of failure.

the worse thought is-
what if God's plan for me is for this to fail?
to make his glory known.

i know we always don't see the bigger picture.
for God's glory.

but it is truly the hardest thing to do.
we are too damn selfish.

if His plan is for this to fail,
and in doing so, break me into a million pieces, to make me realise that all i need is Him,
then i have nothing more to say.

all i can do is to pray for wisdom, to see the bigger picture.

if His plan is for this to succeed,
and in doing so, fulfilling my greatest hopes and dreams,
then i pray that He'll tide me through all these storms.

because i feel too weak to continue.

the winds of fear and anxiety and impatience are too strong.
im being blown away.

i wish i had a coconut tree to hold on to. HA.
such a cartoon image in my mind now.

i thought i was strong.
but somehow, this makes me so weak.

i couldn't control the tears.
free-flow on the mrt, at the hairdressers, right in the middle of taka..

went to pluck my eyebrows too.
guess what, the beautician asked me "are u very tired?"
she told me my face lacked radiance.

"ni de lian mei you guang ze"

i guess its been a really horrible day.
im really tired.

tired of life.

tired of the way it has to be.
tired of the difficulties we have to face, and its only the beginning.

when is it ever going to end.

i really feel very depressed.
been feeling this way since last week.

just so tired of everything.

so anxious of the future, wanting everything to fall into place quickly,
wanting a happy ending to everything.

im just dreaming.
who am i kidding?
the only happy ending will be when we're in heaven.

everything else before that will not be happy, neither will it be any end.

perhaps after all these 19yrs of life,
i've lost all confidence in the notion of happy endings.

it exists only for the naive.

for the weak-hearted like me,
optimisim gives way to fears and cynicism.

can't understand the way this makes me feel.

can't believe the way i ran home when my hp died.

can't imagine a day without u.

2008-03-28T23:13:00.002+08:00

life is horrible.

im truly sick of it.
everyday is such a drag.

2008-03-22T22:34:00.003+08:00

sigh the weekends really fly by just like that!

wish everyone a Good Friday & Happy Easter!

i've been feeling rather lousy this week.
like a sudden onset of depression & this feeling of aimlessness

it feels truly horrible, do u know that?

but i've pondered & thought abt it, esp on this Good Friday.
the sermon titled 'empty and filled' spoke to me abit abt it

at first i thought i was feeling lousy because of the way life is right now.
release of results are over, we're just working & working, each day is just passing by without meaning.

so i thought, i lack a sense of achievement.
every day is just monotonous & meaningless & tiring

but on second & deeper consideration,
i think the truth is i've been directionless.

in the midst of all the busyness,
i've lost track of what i have been/am living for.

i confess that i've been too busy & i've neglected my quiet time with God.

i've been very happy recently, very contented with everything,
so much so that i've thrown God out of the picture once again.

i've forgot my creator, my maker, my saviour, my Lord and friend.

that's why my days feel so empty.
like pastor said, i've been running on an empty tank.

something was missing.

but im glad, that He always pulls me back.
im glad He gives me the chance to redeem myself, to come back to him.

no matter how busy, i promise i'll make sure i'll find time for Him.

it is a promise i've broken countless times.
but i'll try again, to live for the One who loves me with the greatest love i'll ever know

i've always wondered why Jesus didn't come down from the cross.
i mean he could have easily done so

he could have amazed the crowds gathered there.
they would believe in him, it would have been a great miracle

but i realised, no, thats not the way.

thats what WE as humans think.
the logical way of thinking.

but our thoughts are not His thoughts.
His ways are higher than ours.

without his death on the cross,
there'd be no love story.

can u imagine that?
"for God so loved the world that he gave his only son to die on the cross.. "
john 3:16 would not exist.

there would be no great love to proclaim.

how do i know that He loves me?
its not by the blessings he gives or the refuge he provides when i need him,
but by his death.

He died for me, so i must live for him.

as easy as that sounds, it is really very hard.
but as hard as it is, i will not take the easy way out.

i'll run this race for Him,
and i will lean on Him for strength and endurance.

my life will be a love story to Him.

2008-03-07T22:14:00.002+08:00

"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken,
let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe,
for our God is a consuming fire." - Hebrews 12:28

Indeed im truly thankful to God for my results.
of cos im happy, but i don't think happy is a good word to describe how i feel.

im more relieved, more grateful than happy.

i've realised that results and stuff like that, they're not what makes me happy.
life is so much more than that.

after the results, amidst all the commotion,
i just didn't have peace in my heart.
i felt that sth was missing.

then i found it.
i forgot to thank God.

so i just had to go to the toilet.
i needed to quieten down, to pray, to thank God for everything.

truly all these yrs, God has blessed me with gd results.
and u know it feels really great to know that my future is in His hands.

i don't know what lies ahead.
which uni i'll go to, what course i'll study, what friends i'll make, where the road will take me.

10-20yrs down the road, im not sure where i'll be.
of cos i have my ideals, but whether they'll be realised, its a different thing altogether.
and it all depends on God's will.

i feel peaceful, knowing that im not in this alone.

2008-03-02T21:15:00.002+08:00

this is damn strange!

im getting slightly addicted to sudoku.
been playing it on my hp for the past hr.

the strange thing is, i once swore never ever to play the game. haha!

cos i see all the numbers alr i headache.

and the stranger thing is,
im actually playing it now when i have a headache.
HAHA JOKE MAN

but im playing the 6-by-6 grid.
cos im a BEGINNER ok!

first day playing sudoku.

never ever liked the sound of the game.
like some SUKU game for suku ppl

anw its back to work tmr!
i love my office!

its overlooking the sea and the singapore flyover.
very nice interior and exterior.

but haha my task on friday was a joke.

freaking typing all the indian crewmen names and addresses

all the prakashmuthuveenodamalgovindasamypreetvoulsjguobadljboisvgosdbjbgoc

donno what la

haha joke.
type wrongly also i have no idea cos its freaking not english

im sure jenn the jib will be laughing away if she had to do it HAHA

results shld be out by end of this week?
dont really know what to expect, but like huiting says, trust God!

forever God is faithful, forever God is with us!

2008-02-29T23:24:00.004+08:00

i feel like kicking myself.

i just want so much to live up to expectations but i fail time and time again.

i always let down the very person that i want to please and make happy.

i am a piece of shit.

:(

2008-02-22T12:49:00.005+08:00

RAWRR IM BORED!

HAHA BORED FACE BOO!

anw im FRICTIONALLY UNEMPLOYED right now haha

everyday sit by the pool, read book, go out, spend money, go gym etc etc
sounds like quite the life isn't it?

BE JEALOUS!

except, no money.
zero. nil. zilch. na-da. ling. ji dan.

bbuhhbbuhhBBORINGG!

boredom;
red, boom, dome, rome, room, mood, mode, bode, more, rode, ore, re-do(HAHA IS THAT COUNTED?), boo, booed(HAHA PLAY CHEAT), rom(AS IN CD-ROM HAHA), doom, door, dorm, doe, mob, rodeo, emo(HAHAHA COOL), odor(AMERICAN SPELLING HEHE)

ok im tired of thinking
that was quite fun

im going to watch casino royale now

--

since im so bored, well, this is what im doing:

You Are a Gingerbread House

A little spicy and a little sweet, anyone would like to be lost in the woods with you.

What Holiday Food Are You?

haha ginger bread?!

You Are Mud Pie

You're the perfect combo of flavor and depth.

You are overpowering and dominant - and that's what people like about you.

You bring energy and a new direction to most interactions.

People crave you in a serious way. You're that important to them.

Those who like you give into their impulses.

You don't represent reason. You represent pure temptation.

People get addicted to you rather easily.

You offer people a dark side that is very hard to resist.

What Kind of Pie Are You?

im so amused but i love mudpies.

People Envy Your Energy

You've got the drive and determination to keep your life in order, and you are on track to be a huge success.

People tend to envy all you've got in life, but they don't understand the work that goes behind it!

What Do People Envy About You?

energy? what bullshit.
im totally lazy.

You Are Toast

Old fashioned and a bit of a homebody, you totally go for comfort food.

You're the type who loves to cook for friends, and they love you for it.

You truly know what tastes good, and you can often pick out the best dish at a restaurant.

You don't fall for food trends. You stick with what's been food for a long time!

What Kind of Breakfast Are You?

YES COMFORT FOOD FOREVER!

You Are a Natural Beauty!

You're the kind of beauty that every guy dreams about...

One that looks good in the morning - without a stich of makeup

That's doesn't mean you're a total hippie chic though

You have style, but for you, style is effortless

What Type of Beauty Are You?

what rubbish.
wake up in the morning sure look like shit

You Have Many Alpha Tendencies

You're not a total alpha female, but you certainly know how to - and like to - get your way.

You're forceful without being intimidating. You're confident without being vain. A perfect mix.

Are You an Alpha Female?

HAHA ALPHA FEMALE SOUNDS SCARY

You Are A Chocolate Ice Cream Girl

Dramatic. Powerful. Flirty.

What Flavor Ice Cream Girl Are You?

what?!?!?!?!

You Are the Index Finger

You are ambitious, driven, and capable.

You aren't afraid to take responsibility for your actions - or place the blame on whoever deserves it.

You are honest, free thinking, and objective. You see things in your own way - and you aren't afraid to let everyone know about it.

You get along well with: The Thumb

Stay away from: The Ring Finger

What Finger Are You?

haha ring finger pls stay away from me.
this is damn funny

You Communicate With Your Body

This isn't as bad as it sounds, it just means that you're a "touchy-feely" person.

You need a lot of affection in your life. And for you, this means both giving and receiving little touches.

Warm hearted, you bond with people easily. In fact, you often feel a little sad when you're not in the company of others.

A little moody, you tend to be controlled by your emotions. But a bit hug always comforts you!

How Do You Communicate?

eh dont anyhow say, im not controlled by my emotions.

You Are Most Like Charlotte!

You are the ultimate romantic idealist

You've been hurt before, but that hasn't caused you to give up on love.

If anything, your resolve to fall in love is stronger than ever.

And it's this feminine optimism that men find most appealing about you.

Romantic prediction: That guy you are seeing (or crushing on)?

Could be very serious - if you play your cards right!

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?

haha erm ok?

Veggie Pizza

Upscale and trendy.

You're the most likely to go for a gourmet pizza.

You have impeccable taste in everything.

You truly enjoy the finer things in life.

What's Your Pizza Personality?

vege pizza sounds gross la what finer things in life bullshit

What Your Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich Means

Your eating style is gluttonous. If you like something, you're going back for seconds... no matter how full you are!

You have an average sweet tooth. While you enjoy desserts, they aren't exactly your downfall.

Your taste in food tends to be quite eclectic and wide. You are an adventurous eater, and you like many types of cuisines.

You are probably a fairly normal, upper middle class person. You don't rock the boat too often.

You are a tough person who isn't afraid to live life fully. There isn't a lot that scares you.

You are laid back and extremely easygoing. You never make a fuss, and you try to enjoy every moment.

What Does Your Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich Say About You?

TRUE!

You Are a Ham Sandwich

You are quiet, understated, and a great comfort to all of your friends.

Over time, you have proven yourself as loyal and steadfast.

And you are by no means boring. You do well in any situation - from fancy to laid back.

Your best friend: The Turkey Sandwich

Your mortal enemy: The Grilled Cheese Sandwich

What Kind of Sandwich Are You?

haha yeah i'd like a turkey sandwich pls

Not a Jealous Bone in Your Body

You're secure, trusting, and giving with friends and lovers

And while you may have been hurt before, you've bounced back

You're generally happy with your life - and no one's grass is greener than yours

One word of caution: some may see your lack of jealousy as indifference!

Are You A Jealous Woman?

true to some extent i guess.

im truly bored.
going furniture shopping.

ZAI JIAN.

2008-02-19T18:26:00.002+08:00

honestly i had a really horrible day

i really wish im a cloud, i wanna float away in the clear blue sky
i want a nice fluffy hug

i don't wanna think anymore because im not getting it
i don't understand i don't know i don't get it and i wish i could say i don't care and be free from this fuckedupfrustration but honestly i know i can't say that because i do care more than anything else in the world

played squash and my forearm is breaking
whacked timothy's specs and whacked him another time
HAHA oops im really sorry!

squash is quite fun.
but i must master the art of whacking the ball harder to get that shiok loud sound

i whack the ball like 10years never eat rice
but my arm still damn pain?!?!!?!

really never eat rice

i had no appetite for lunch

and i must also master the art of scooping the ball with the racket.
i managed to scoop it up but it flies away and doesnt stay on the racket

damnit

im gonna eat dinner and watch tv goodbye

2008-02-18T22:08:00.003+08:00

its amazing, im amazed.
how God can just speak right to me, immediately after i ask him sth.
do u know the feeling right after God answers u immediately?

it is incredible.
u just feel so amazed.

truly for the past week, God has answered my many queries.
i've been amazed time and time again.
i just feel like i've learnt so much this week.

well.

life hasn't been very kind.

but u know what?
i'll trust my God, my Saviour, my Strength, my Shield, my Everlasting Love, my Comfort, my Refuge.

all my troubles and worries and frustrations,
all my insecurities and weaknesses,
Lord u know them all.

He takes control of every situation,
and at this point when i feel so helpless, i know he's here by my side.

you are my hiding place (:

2008-02-18T22:08:00.002+08:00

2008-02-14T23:02:00.002+08:00

<3

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE!

btw jumper is damn cool.
i wish i had that superpower!

although i get the feeling that the scriptwriters were too absorbed in the jumping concept and too busy showing it off, so much so that they neglected the plot.

the damn plot, is hardly any plot at all.

it felt so unfinished?
or maybe they were leaving some room for a sequel?

i sure hope there'd be a sequel man.
hayden christensen is quite charming!

ANYWAY SOME GOOD NEWS!

i've have no more job yay!!
haha had my last day of work at my mom's office ytd.

the smell of freedom is damn good

2008-02-09T21:59:00.000+08:00

HEYHEY all's well & cny is almost over!
angbao collection days are drawing to a close.

im really feeling the effects of inflation & a volatile economy.
the angbaos this yr have really slimmed down alot.

damn.

overall its been a pretty SIAN cny.
well, i wasn't really expecting it to be fun la. haha

can't wait for tmr & monday!

then tues, wed go back to work.
oh no. i really hope it'll be my last week there, or at best second last.

pls pls!

2008-02-06T15:09:00.000+08:00

SHIPS by umbrellas

Just like ships, we float through each other's lives
Through the waters of beauty and grace
We will one day dock at the same port
And give rest to our weary legs

There is a light placed up in the sky
Like the stained glass, time slows down
I wish I could sleep, I wish I could dream

I love the sound of my feet against these empty streets
I saw the whole town burn down
I'm walking away
Nothing stays, these feelings have wings
Our arms outstretched, we are soaring

There is a light placed up in the sky
Like the stained glass, time slows down
I wish I could sleep, I wish I could dream

-

haven't felt like this for a long time.
this feeling of helplessness.
i feel truly lost, i think?

overwhelmed by how fragile things are.
i just don't know what to say.

anw, don't know what overcame me.
think i went mad.
i took out JC2 MATHS MOCK PAPER to do.

just tell me im crazy. haha

did the first 5 questions & realised my integration sucks so damn badly.
i got demoralised so i decided to stop

crazy sarah

i need a run

2008-02-04T22:49:00.000+08:00

its amazing how a good workout can have such an uplifting effect on your mood!
at least for me la.

IM DAMN HIGHHHHH HAHA!

i had such a terrible day honestly.
but after a good exercise, all the grumpiness is gone & i feel 100% recharged.

i love this feeling, u know?
ITS LIKE WOOOOOH IM FLYING AND THE WORLD CAN CRASH AND BURN AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN

haha im going crazy.

on a side note,
the world is really crashing and burning.
s'pore inflation to exceed 5%?
ERP gantries popping up everywhere like nobody's business?

i got a good taste of the sting of ERP.
taxi fare doubles (most likely to triple soon) after passing a few gantries.

ez link money depletes as rapidly as the melting ice caps

another crash&burn victim is britney spears.
or rather we're the victims of her crash&burn, my poor ears.

freaking 'PIECE OF ME' pisses me off everytime.
the song is in pieces and her life is in pieces.
& i definitely don't want her to 'GIMME MORE' of her shit.

truly, she lives up to her initals.
B.S. i.e., bullshit.

she used to be my childhood pop idol leh.
pretty + hot + nice catchy songs + so-called virgin haha

now. .. im just speechless.

haha im just typing nonsense cos im damn bored happy chinese new yr to everyone may u get many many angbaos and eat many many ba guas until u become obese IM CRAVING FOR YU SHENG AND KUEH LAPIS

eh rhymes haha

2008-02-03T20:28:00.000+08:00

such a rainy day.
i feel very blue.

somehow the whole day i've been feeling very uneasy, very uptight and veryveryvery not at peace.

had a really troubled time in church.
somehow i felt AWAY from God, so damn far away.
& the thing is i don't know why its like that.

i know that i try my best to stay close,
but despite my efforts, i never manage to stay close for very long.

esp now that there's no sch, no exams.
its like, i don't freaking need him.
BUT THATS NOT TRUE so how?!?!!

so i guess today's sermon spoke alot to me.
that its not by our efforts, because God's love is unconditional no matter what.

we don't have to slave to earn his love and blessings.
which is what i've been doing so far.
trying my best to make him happy with me, which isn't wrong of cos, but its not what he wants from us.

gosh.
i really felt very troubled over this, even after i left church.

its like, u've been trying to get things right and it turns out not wrong, but not very right either.

i wouldn't call this a spiritual desert.
i've been through worse.

but lets just say i dont feel very peaceful.
i just want so much to feel that closeness again.

anw, the new house has proven to be quite a headache.
4 different people, 4 different ideas.

democracy is flawed.

2008-02-01T21:15:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder why im so nice.
sometimes i feel stupid because in the process of being nice to people, im being bad to myself.

when i said i didn't mind it, i really didn't mind it.
but there was a part of me thats scolding myself for giving in to her.

i guess i was in a dilemma.
be nice or fight for what i deserve?

the conclusion is that i'll choose to be nice.
of cos, sarah seldom fights for anything.
i know thats dumb.

im dumb that way.

haha im fine, just annoyed at myself for that.
but its ok, im contented with my own room however big or small the damn window is.

ANYWAY,
managed to finish my resume and emailed it out to some job offers.
at least i got sth done!

hope i can work somewhere thats near my house.
if i get offers that're damn far, i'll be in a dilemma.
like, reject or accept?

i'll deal with that headache when it comes.

and i've FINALLY uploaded paris/switz pics!
on facebook. its quite fast la surprisingly

hearts outing tmr evening!
the poor dudes are out from the nicest island in the world--TEKONG!

2008-01-29T22:36:00.000+08:00

i've a confession to make.
i was a really spoilt brat this morning.

it started like this:

i thought i could finally get rid of this damn office job.
so that i'd have time for other things like looking for another job and catching up with friends

but no!

she didnt let me quit just yet.
made me promise to continue working at least 2 days a week until she finds a permanent asst.

omg i tell u, i was how freaking annoyed and pissed off!

the funny thing is, i almost cried.
really, i don't know why but i just felt the tears in my eyes.

stopped myself in time.

spent the whole morning sulking and throwing tantrums.
and scheming to get half-day off, which i did get in the end thankfully.

& u know i was just wondering why am i making myself so miserable over this damn thing.
its like, slapping myself silly for the sake of hearing the piakpiak sound

well fortunately i turned to God for help.
prayed abt it & he enlightened me. THANKS

i was grumbling to Him abt my 'suffering'.
how i've to suffer in this job for a few more weeks

but he rebuked me & i felt like an idiot.
seriously, whats so bad abt this arrangement?

i get paid, i work only 2 days a week,
i have 3 remaining days to slack and do whatever,
at least i dont get so bored,
plus its not a difficult job its as easy as peeing,

so what the hell am i complaining abt!
how can i even call this a 'suffering'?

i felt like a fool after that.
well yeah mulia would agree wholeheartedly that im a fool and a 'bunch of f---s' . =/

anw on a side note,
getting the keys to my new hse this fri.
pretty pleased to be getting my own room, shld be by march.

& i need to write a damn resume.

2008-01-27T21:57:00.001+08:00

HOME SWEET HOME! (:
can u tell that im reallyreallyreallyreally pleased to be back in singapore!

the moment we touched down i felt like singing some national day song la. hahaha

STANDUP FOR SINGAPORE~

THIS IS HOME, TRULY, WHERE I KNOW I MUST BE, WHERE MY DREAMS WAIT FOR ME, WHERE THE RIVER ALWAYS FLOWS!

home is really a nice place to be,
where everybody speaks your language, where u feel safe and warm(literally).

switz was how freaking cold!
looked like a penguin in all those winter clothes so ugly it feels gd to be back on this SUNNY ISLAND where u only need to wear one piece of clothing not including underwear and im too lazy to type any punctuation haha

the trip was alright i guess.
the usual stuff, like getting pissed off with my mom for being naggy and annoying,
office-romance politics, some casualties and horrible tour food etc etc

& i discovered my love for CNN.
haha seriously, its an interesting channel.
i followed the news abt the societe generale scandal, US presidential elections, WEF, mosul bombings etc etc

sometimes i don't understand what they're talking abt actually HAHA o well but its still interesting

anyway life shld be going back to normal real soon.
gotta find a damn job that is lively and won't make me depressed,
i'll even settle for lower pay, well, reasonable pay

i realised salary isn't the most impt.
earning 50bucks a day for the boringest job in the whole really made me MEGA DEPRESSED.
i can't live my life like that NO WAY!

i'd rather have a happy job even if it means earning slightly lesser.

job-hunt begins tmr.
shopping spree begins tmr.
study session for theory test also begins tmr.

regular exercise routine also back to normal, actually i started today.
10 days trip, 10 days of ice cream omg i feel like a sluggish sagging cow HAHA

ok i've slept a grand total of 1hr and 40mins in the past 40hrs.
i is needing a real good sleep now!

2008-01-14T22:18:00.000+08:00

HELLO i have nth to blog about?!!?!

im very sian of work.
can't take this kind of job.
freaking sit there for hours doing stupid stuff like keying in numbers and stamping letters?

and matching invoice numbers.
2070011. .. 2070011. ok correct, tick tick.

if i'd to do that all my life, i'd rather be dead la.

anw i'll be in paris+switz from 18-27jan.
my ass is gonna get frozen.

& im desperately seeking a new job after CNY.
a job that has some form of human interaction otherwise i'll seriously just die down there

anw i really have nth to blog
zai jian

2007-12-30T14:39:00.000+08:00

"You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honour and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created and have their being."
-Rev 4:11

-
-

oh yes, its the time of the year to reflect,
& give thanks to God for everything this year.

good or bad, everything has happened for a reason,
according to His will, His plan, which i cannot fathom.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways,
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
-Isaiah 55:8-9

don't u sometimes just wish that God will reveal his plan to us all?
now? immediately? instead of going one whole big tedious round?
sometimes when im so tired of everything, i wish that.

there are mornings when i wake up, & i think,
'oh Lord i don't wanna wake up to this tiring world anymore.'

but even so i must thank God for my life, for eternal life.

i thank Him for bringing me through this A levels year.
the whole process of mugging & depending on Him,
& knowing that i can't do it without Him no matter how hard i mug,
it has brought me closer.

that feeling of closeness is like none other.
'Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere'
Psalm 84:10

i thank Him for good results, for A div nats,
for healing my many injuries,
for keeping me strong physically mentally and spiritually.

i thank Him for giving me strength to persevere,
for never leaving me, for always lifting me above the storm.

i thank Him for always pulling me back whenever i backslide, which is very often.
true, the process is never pleasant,
& more often than not, the wakeup call has been painful.
but still it is necessary & i thank Him for it.

His patience is amazing.
how many times have i backslided?
how many times have i not kept my promise?
how many times have i doubted?

yet everytime i lose faith, everytime i doubt, everytime i fall,
He catches me, He forgives me, He still loves me.
i find that so amazing & it makes me wanna cry.

i think besides thanking Him for salvation & his great love,
the next best thing to thank Him for is His patience.
it is indeed out of this world.

i thank Him for the many opportunities to serve.
especially this yr, serving in LCD ministry & the Cambodia mission,
its been an honour & a delight & a life-changing experience.
i never knew serving God could bring so much joy & satisfaction.

& of cos lets all thank Him for our familes, our friends, our loved ones, our teachers (sorry if i feel abit reluctant abt this), our coaches, our neighbours, our meals, our clothes, our cars, our country, our government etc etc.

staring out of the window,
lets thank Him for the birds in the sky, the clouds, the sunshine, the pretty trees and flowers & this list is never-ending.

sitting in my nice cosy room,
i thank Him for the wonderful aircon in this freaking hot weather HAHA.
this is kinda ironic cos we're in the process of destroying the beautiful environment He's created

but nevertheless. u know.

above all i want to commit 2008 into His hands.
all my future endeavours, all my plans,
i pray that His will be done in my life in 2008.

"forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,
i press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
-philippians 3:13-20

its time to leave '07 behind & take on '08.
& i just feel like saying this, ONE WAY JESUS! (:

2007-12-29T13:10:00.000+08:00

i have nothing to blog about.
but i don't wanna seem dead, so here i am!
SARAH IS ALIVE AND WELL! haha (:

i had lunch half an hr ago but im hungry now again damnit.
as much as i love to eat, i really hate these hunger pangs.
they're so uncalled for!?!?!!

its like, pee alr then 5mins later need to pee again then another 5mins need to pee again.
never ending.

anw HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO TIMOTHY BAY ZHEN FU!
i never type your full name out before so it seems quite weird.
OLD MAN ALR HAHA

im quite sad that xmas is over.
the years are flying by too quickly.

im in a pensive mood.

on monday it'll be 31st dec.
on tues it'll be 1 jan 2008.

its time to say goodbye to 2007.
shld i say that it's been the best year ever?
im not so sure abt that, there's no basis for comparison.

i always have trouble letting go of the year.
lets just say that it takes time for me to embrace change.
but i will, eventually, inevitably.

i predict that by jan 18 i'll be pretty well adjusted to 2008.
& flying to switz/paris happily (:

then comes chinese new year.
goodies, angbaos, shitloads of oranges, & NEW CLOTHES YAY

then A's results, omg, no please don't come so soon.
haha i really don't know what to expect.

gtg now,
buy apple strudel for TIMOTHY BAY BIRTHDAY BOY OLD MAN

2007-12-19T17:40:00.000+08:00

woooh i've not been here for ages.
dont have much to say.

cambodia trip was great, i'll definitely go back.
minus the diarrhoea + vomitting, life there was fufilling & meaningful.

the vomitting was horrible la!
after that my ribcage hurt so much.

the worst thing was prob the loss of appetite.
its terrible to NOT want to eat.
like the saddest thing ever la!

i miss my lil cambodian girl who always hugs me & runs to find me!
she promised to come back the next day but didn't.
so sad la :(

i've learnt things abt God & how he works.
& i know that he works according to his own timing & plan.
things may not seem great or may not be going according to OUR plans,
but whatever it is, trust in Him & leave Him to do the miracles.

anw im in my mom's office now working.
now is slacking time, waiting for her to finish up her work.

so slack la.
deskjobs are boring but kinda brainless.

still, i made some mistakes.
& broke a few things, like the date stamp.
hahaha o well clumsy sarah!

knocking off now bye!

2007-11-25T18:33:00.000+08:00

HEYHEY A'S OVER! (((:

i feel relieved, but not as happy as i'd expected?
i thought i'd be over the moon but now im like oh finish alr ah ok loh.

thats not a very nice feeling & i hate it!
its just weirddddd.

life has started to get a little boring.
not that kind of boring boring cos there's still some excitement but u know like just boring la.

i've not blogged for a long time & i've difficulty blogging now.
blogger's bloc haha sounds cute

4th-13th dec CAMBODIA!!
we're in charge of games & songs & we've to learn a dance!?!?!?!
not those slow traditional dance ok, its damn fast & hiphop!

first step alr i cannot follow!
hahaha totally GGXX

nvm la its good to have some laughs (at me)

games & fun aside, i know this trip has a serious purpose.
& im really praying that God will use it to touch those lives & my life too!

somehow after A's, it feels like i need God less & less.
im not communicating w him as much, my prayers are shorter & more distracted,
i feel less aware of his presence. ..

who do i think God is?
someone i just use & then throw away like tissue paper?

i've been praying abt this,
asking him to show me & keep me aware of my need for him & his presence in my life.
plus the upcoming mission trip, i need to pray more than ever!

oh there's this game called 'caterpillar'.
which is actually lao ying zhua xiao ji HAHA.
how the hell did it become caterpillar. ..

& there's a puppet show & im supposed to be MARY.
& joseph's gonna be joseph.

& im gonna have dinner now.

2007-11-02T22:48:00.001+08:00

hello im v happy after maths paper 1!!!!!
first morale booster for A levels.

more to come, i hope? haha

this week has been good in a way, despite A levels.
this experience of leaning on God & reallyreallyreally putting 100% faith in him, knowing that i cannot do this without him.

i seriously pray that bio will be easy.

2007-10-29T21:52:00.000+08:00

HAHA i can't believe i went to orchard today.
o well, destress!

its quite cool,
to sit at coffeebean & study globalisation,
when u're surrounded by angmohs, malays, south africans & all.
all speaking w their different accents.

& they're like talking about their friends & relatives in canada & australia & everywhere.

it makes whatever u're studying come alive?
HAHA don't u think so.

& there was this AXA woman selling insurance & she was quite pretty & her customer this guy just kept staring into her face

& there was another woman in the FLOWER business.
i have no idea what u do in a flower business.

& her entire business card was bright pink.
i bet she only sells pink flowers or sth.

anw as u can see i like to people-watch & eavesdrop.
haha o well.

time to sleep now & face tmr, the last day before A's begin.

im not really READY for A's.
but im ready to FACE it.

2007-10-25T18:00:00.000+08:00

for all of us taking A's in 6days time,

"the horse is made ready for the day of battle,
but victory rests with the Lord."
-proverbs 21:31

im filled with trepidation & that little bit of excitement.

2007-10-18T15:48:00.000+08:00

hello i couldn't help being distracted by the computer.

anw, to illustrate how prepared i am for econs,
let me teach u what is market failure.

on tues night, my beloved angmokio market was razed to the ground.

there is a negative externality,
because now sarah can no longer eat her favourite dessert.

this would result in (dead)weight loss presumably because she eats less.

therefore it is a poignant example of MARKET failure,
probably the most literal definition u'll ever see.

evaluation?
the (dead)weight loss may not be all that bad.
furthermore, sarah can spend 30mins more studying for Alevels instead of walking to the now-defunct market for dessert.
therefore this may even be a more efficient allocation of scarce resources, i.e., time.

isn't my econs fantastic.

ok bye.

2007-10-13T15:39:00.000+08:00

heh its been a pretty crazy week,
if u know what i mean.

been mugging in A34 with the jibs + tara + amelia.
the stupid 'bte' & 'kaki ayam' & "KENA BANG" jokes hahahaha

& the easiest chem specimen paper ever.
paper 3 supposed to choose 4 out of 5 questions in 2hrs,
but we did all 5 questions in less than 2hrs???

mcq 1hr, but we did in 30mins???

that was a damn good morale booster la haha!
but the paper 2 was kinda strange. ..

'define molecular formula'
well done, ggxx.

im gonna memorise all the definitions later.
cannot afford to KENA BANG by this kind of questions.

my bio and econs are still unfortunately in v bad shape.

maths is getting better I HOPE.
gp is stagnating but i think i'll attempt some compre tmr

98.7fm has been my best companion so far.
except it does get quite distracting haha

i cannot wait for life after A's.

i cannot wait for christmas!!!

2007-10-01T21:28:00.000+08:00

i don't know why im playing w facebook even though i think its quite stupid.
pokepoke, throw water, give chocolate, v fun meh?!?!?!!

hahaha i'd rather someone give me REAL chocolate!
although i wouldn't like to get poked/drenched in reality.

anw i've decided to forgive my mom,
after all im only making myself unhappy by bearing a grudge.

although it was really hard.
on sunday i really tried to worship properly at church,
but i couldn't, i really couldn't.

the unforgiveness was suppressing my desire to worship & any sense of peace & joy.
i felt really terrible even though i was in God's house.
i just kept praying to ask God to help me to forgive.

& i really need to pee now but im damn lazy to get up
so i'll just sit with my legs crossed until i finish typing this which better be soon

ANYWAY,
im quite pleased w my prelim results even though im still worried for econs & bio.
praise God for everything (:

ok im damn sleepy now

2007-09-29T22:18:00.000+08:00

i think i've been v sheltered all my life, i never knew what its like to be hurt.

today, for the first time in my entire life,
i felt what its like to be hurt emotionally by someone i love.

who happens to be my mother.

i never knew hurt could feel so terrible, so devastating.
to be wronged, ABSOLUTELY & COMPLETELY WRONGED.

words.

cuts like a knife.

it hurt so much that i couldn't stop crying.

i've really got to have a big heart to forgive.

2007-09-28T22:02:00.000+08:00

the skies have been grey and gloomy today.
but gloomy is hardly the word to describe how i feel right now.

i don't know.
i feel upset. i feel worried. i feel lost. i feel helpless. i feel emo. i feel discouraged.

its not EXACTLY abt prelim grades.
im fine w everything so far, well, mostly.

but its SORT OF abt prelim grades.
i don't know how the f i can get 12, 13, 14 for econs essays.

overall grade C, a marked improvement from E.
but seriously, 12 13 14. ..
i expected more than that.
i prepared for it, though not very hard but still.

im not the type of person who'll dwell on grades.
i usually don't. i look forward.

but this time i don't know why i just feel SO upset about the stupid 12 13 14 marks.

& the 'icing on the cake' is,
we've nobody to approach for help.
teacher sucks, dept sucks, everybody sucks wtf.

its people like these who screw us up,
i feel angry & bitter but i don't know what to do.

spent alot of time in the gym today, not really doing anything.
just sat on the floor & stoned quite abit.

i ate hell lot of brownies & chocolate.
thought it'd make me happier.
went to run thinking that it'd make me high.

it didn't.
i feel worse than ever.

its days like when u wish u've that someone special,
who'd put a smile on your face just by an sms.
it may not change circumstances or lessen your anxiety,
but at least u'd feel happy & loved for that short moment.

i don't know what im talking about la.

im just. .. ah. nvm.

tmr this will all go away.

i know in times like these,
i've God to lean on, his shoulders to cry on.

but i don't know, sometimes its just not enough.

how can that be?
isn't God more than sufficient for me?

its times like these when i realise how much i value other things/people above God.

its not that i want to.
its just the way it is & as much as i want/try to change that, it doesn't happen.

it makes me feel unworthy & guilty & terrible.
in times like these, it makes me feel worse than i already am.

i know after this 'low', there'll be a 'high'.
i'll come crying back to God & surrender all to him.

this cycle is just all too familiar & im getting rather sick of it, not that i want to.

today is just really not a good day.

2007-09-27T22:22:00.000+08:00

RAHH IM HAPPY TODAY COS I ATE MY MIXED RICE AHAHA CHEAP THRILL!

can't really explain these sudden cravings for rice.

ANYWAY,
gotta praise the Lord for my results so far!
A for gp, B for chem!?!?!?!!

totally unexpected. it was a nice surprise.
my hard work, God's grace, my joy, God's glory!

the rest of the papers haven't gotten back.
but i know bio is mega screwed so IM PREPARED FOR WHATEVER'S COMING TMR.

i really have no idea how to study for bio.
& i need to get rid of this negativity, this hatred for it.
DAMN U BIO~

im in the mood to study(everything except bio)!
hownowbrowncowwwwwwww?!

heh speaking of cow, i feel like drinking milk.
& i've images of marilyn monroe's boobs spilling out of her stupid dress because of the stupid movie.

2007-09-24T11:24:00.000+08:00

hello im all ready to start studying again,
BUT MY BRAIN IS STILL ON HOLIDAY HAHAHA.

this morning i tried to do maths.
applications of differentiation, integration, complex numbers.

THE FIRST QUESTION I TRIED I CANNOT DO IM LIKE WTF &%#$*&#% !!?!?!?!!

subsequent questions i also couldn't do so~
FORGET IT LA.

try again later -.-

meanwhile i ate up half a box of cereal unknowingly.
a BIG box ok!

my hand just kept reaching into the box while i was doing maths,
slowly slowly half was gone. ..

ANYWAY!
watched bourne identity last night on channel5 & it was damn cool!

can't wait to watch the 2 sequels after A's!

watched rogue assassin at amk hub after church yest.
it was quite good & the twist at the end was incredible.

i realised i like movies with assassins & FBI etc.
haha damn cool la

haven't found anyone cooler than jack bauer though.

been reading CSI also.
although i think the book sucks, watching it is definitely better.

these 3 days have been a PREVIEW of life after A's.
i can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in order to keep myself motivated,
i'll make a list of what i wanna do after A's soon!

anw, this verse really spoke to me this morning.
Proverbs 21:31 :
The horse is made ready for the day of battle,
but the victory rests with the Lord."

-

i hate aftereffects, sigh.

2007-09-22T11:14:00.000+08:00

PRELIMS IS OVER YAYYY!!

(means A levels is coming HAHA, but ok la relax for a while!)

i did some MEGA shopping yesterday.
my parents left for HK but didn't leave me w alot of $$$$$ so~

so i took money for ATM (which is $150 away from the limit so im v v v dead) TWICE.

take money, buy things, shit not enough money, go take again.
HAHA after it reaches the limit i donno how~

i'll face the music when the music plays.

i just watched lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events.
i like it, its so quirky & extraordinary & cool.

except i don't really like jim carey in the show.
too weird & unfunny & un-jimcareyish

actually its quite jimcareyish but its jimcareyish in an unfunny way that is not nice

i feel like going out today but i seriously cannot afford to withdraw anymore money from the ATM otherwise i'll wipe out my only reliable financial source & THEN IM REALLY SCREWED

chinese new yr pls come quickly.
i need angbaos.

i think i'll start studying on monday.

2007-09-19T22:12:00.000+08:00

hello bio was the most wtf paper ever.

i is die~

if i didn't control my emotions, i think i would have just thrown my pen away and walked out.

to think that i used to love bio,
EVEN THOUGH i could never score above 60marks.

i thought interest & some hard work might make a difference,
over the years.

it freaking does NOT.
(4 freaking yrs of pure bio i never got above 60marks).

henceforth i conclude that i ffffing hate bio now.
i have ZERO interest in it now.

screw genes and bacteria and and cells and evolution which is rubbish anw.

AND I CAN NEVER EVER IDENTIFY THE ELECTRON MICROGRAPH SHIT.

one black mass of blurry stuff and lots of dots all over and u expect me to identify all the parts of the cell???
everything looks the same and they don't look like anything at all?!?!?!!

i don't know why but perhaps i have very terrible visual capabilities.

this stuff is just so not my kind of thing and i don't know why they have to set such terrible questions.

i know im ranting but i've nowhere else to complain and release all the hatred for bio

maths was relatively less screwed but still screwed.

today is a screwed day but i feel quite alright HAHA
i can't wait to shop over the weekends! (:

2007-09-18T21:36:00.000+08:00

the ever-dreaded tues is here,
& thank God its ending HAHA

even though i've not finished my revision for bio. ..

but seriously my head is damn pain,
& i took 2 panadols & it worked but the effect wore off after a while.

omg this has been the most hectic day of my life.

but thank God the papers today were relatively manageable.
i felt his presence & i know he was there helping me (:

for the first time in my life,
i felt that i could write substantial answers for econs case study.
& I FINALLY WROTE CONCLUSIONS.
i've never ever had time to write conclusions.

although im quite unsure of my answers for the first casestudy.
donno what coffee 'C' future contract pricing what the shit~

i read the first extract until i was damn pissed off,
then AIYA FLIP THE PAGE LA hahaha

chem was manageable but some qns were just damn strange.
donno what COCAINE & donno what solvent to extract it & the stupid gas question i forever cannot do

& the last chem qns was damn JIB.
make us copy the stupid complicated ring structures.
copying it was a chore, what more i had 3mins to copy 3 of that & think which can react and the products it forms omg

i hope i copied the thing correctly.

overall today's been quite a good day,
despite the busyness & stress & tiredness.

i'll welcome more challenges like these in the future HAHA.

really really thank God for being with me every minute of the day (:

2007-09-16T22:29:00.000+08:00

i just realised how grave our situation is.

see ah,
tues we have CHEM & ECONS papers.
altogether they'll end at 3pm.

& we have the rest of the day to study for BIO & MATHS the next day.

if i reach home at 4pm & sleep at 10pm,
means i'll have 6hrs to study, means 3 hrs for each subject.

thats not including meals & bathing time.

& it also means that our brains have to work for 4 different subjects in a single day.

wtf la cannot la this is tantamount to child abuse.
im an optimist; but that is practically impossible.

Lord pls give me strength to tide through tues & wed.
i seriously don't know how im gonna make it.
but through you nothing is impossible.

you alone are my strong tower

CHARSIEW NOODLES AT LOY KEE CHICKEN WAS REALLY THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY~

sweet and juicy and crunchy charsiew I LOVE CHARSIEW!!!
i especially loved the burnt parts although they're presumably carcinogenic but whatever la

charsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiew
charsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiew
charsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiew
charsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiew
charsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiew
charsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiew
charsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiew
charsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiew
charsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiew
charsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiew
charsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiew
charsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiewcharsiew

ok enough

2007-09-15T23:08:00.000+08:00

im so sick of studying~

2007-09-14T22:47:00.000+08:00

sigh. chem.
i can only sigh.

why does shit always happen to my chem papers?
i.e., count carbons wrongly, know the answer but no time to write down & therefore 10marks flies away~

that rocks right.

4 papers down, 6 more to go.
tues, wed got double papers.

my brain is getting fried soon.
deep-fried haha not funny

anw, if u wanna test your vocab, here's an exercise for u:

SHANE IS _(insert positive quality) !!!

since i've the propensity to leave things blank as i've discovered during prelims so far,
thats exactly what i'll do HAHA

weekends! <3

2007-09-12T20:59:00.000+08:00

i made a mistake so dumb that it should be considered a crime.

I DIDN'T SEE THAT THERE WAS A QUESTION 14 AT THE BACK OF THE MATHS PAPER?!?!?!?!

hahahahaha wtf seriously.
im so amused by myself.

thats the 2nd time i screwed myself this yr.

1st was the chem commontest2,
when i counted the number of carbons wrongly.
8 but i kept counting 9.

today maths paper, i FORGOT to flip to the last pg.
i thought qns 13, end of paper. yay.

-.-

after handing up my script,
i looked at the question paper,
& started to count the number of marks i forfeited by blanks.

up to qns 13,
i counted about 16 marks worth of blanks.

i thought, 100 - 16 = 84.
so ok la still can get around 70+ or 80+.
not bad not bad.

then i momentarily flipped to the last side.

. ..

EH?!?!?!?!

. ..

last qns abt 14 marks or sth.
means ggxx alr.

but i feel v v v glad that it wasn't A levels.
thats major consolation, & frankly, im really v amused. HAHA

studying for bio is sleep-inducing.

speaking of which i haven't been sleeping well.
i keep waking up like 3 to 4 times throughout the night.

SIAN~

2007-09-09T21:37:00.000+08:00

HELLO (:

this is rather strange, but guess what made me happy today?
LIQUOR CHOCOLATE!

when i bit into it & the liquor burst into my mouth,
it brought a smile to my face~

i thought it was strange.
it is, isn't it, how just a small piece of chocolate can make my day? haha

anw, i'd have to say today's just been perfect.
if every week could be like the past 4 weeks, it'd be good.
what more do i dare to ask for?

prelims officially begin tmr~

the past week has made me realise how much i need God.
i always knew i needed him, but more so in other aspects of life, not as much in exams.

i thought i could deal w this stress.
i tried to manage my stress levels without God's help.

but now i know that is so wrong; i was so wrong.
i need him for this MAJOR exam, more than i've EVER needed him.

it amazes me how every time i try to control my own life, i utterly fail.

i rmb reading somewhere,
that its almost impossible to surrender our entire selves to God,
because there's so much more abt ourselves that we don't know.

thats so true,
but through this past yr & all that i've gone through,
im coming to know more & more of myself & of God.

-
-

this walk with you has been amazing.
to feel so weak & so vulnerable, yet so safe in your arms.
i love you Lord.

2007-09-07T22:42:00.000+08:00

this is when i need you the most.
Lord hold me in your arms, wipe the tears from my face & calm the raging seas.
i surrender.

2007-09-05T22:36:00.000+08:00

this is really out of the blue,
but im really craving for POPEYE'S!!

the last time i had it was like last yr in US??
me, rachel, charmaine, changxun and the twins (i forgot their names) were sitting outside on the benches eating popeye's!

i love the buttermilk biscuit~

this calls for a major feast after prelims (:
the best motivation ever!

2007-09-03T22:21:00.000+08:00

sigh.

my electrochem sucks, my ionic and solublity equilibria sucks, my thermo chem sucks the most, my chem bonding sucks.

my entire physical chem sucks.

HOW!?!?!?!?!??!?!

i've been doing and doing but i still can't do most,
& there's only a week left & i've got to practise other subjects as well.

my maths is shit now.

simple trigo also i cannot do, complex numbers also i cannot do,
summation & all the patterns shit forever cannot do,
integration always got careless mistake.

vectors i used to be pro, now i can't even rmb the formulas no matter how many times i do it.

wtf im quite worried.
& my bio and econs i've barely did anything.

& they're my worst subjects.
but i just don't know how the hell to study for them, especially econs.

teacher sucks, what can i do?
teach myself? sure. mark essay myself? siao.

i know i sound quite worried/stressed,
but the truth is im not very.

actually i don't know, i feel quite neutral.

there's a part of me that keeps saying,
'don't worry everything will fall into place in the end.'

but is that self-denial, self-comfort, God's assurance, complacency OR WHAT???

one of these days im going to church to study.
think its the most peaceful place to do so. (:

i really can't wait for all this to be over.

2007-09-02T23:04:00.000+08:00

the left side of my throat is either inflammed or covered in ulcers or infected by some virus.
i dont know what, but it hurts!

my mom said MAYBE ITS A FISH BONE STUCK THERE,
& quite naturally i got rather scared.

so i stuck my fingers down my throat to check (VERY GROSS & UNGLAM I KNOW),
& i felt sth lumpy, like ulcers.

i tried sucking strepsils but its not a sore throat so strepsils don't have any positive effect on it.

o well, nvm.
the pain feels quite shiok actually, in a weird way.
like muscle ache kind of shiok HAHA

one last week left to mug for prelims!
LETS MAKE THE BEST OF OUR TIME.
DO OUR BEST & GOD WILL DO THE REST! (:

i really need help for econs~

2007-09-01T14:57:00.000+08:00

im here to proclaim that i've been a victim of major injustice.

from http://www.rjc.edu.sg/rafflesconnect,
library announcements:

The library will extend its opening hours to 9 p.m. on weekdays between 23 July and 26 October 2007 except on:

31 August (Teachers' Day Celebration, closed at 5 pm)
3-7 September (Term 3 Vacation, closed at 5 pm)
5 October (Farewell Assembly, closed at 5 pm)
12 October (Open House, closed at 5 pm)

During the Library's extended hours, students are allowed to wear either full or half school uniform, or RJC PE/House/CCA/Club t-shirt with long trousers (for boys) and school skirt (for girls). No loans will be available after 8 p.m.

THEN CAN U PLS TELL ME WHY THE HECK WAS I CHASED OUT OF THE LIBRARY ON THURS?!?!?!?!?!

I WAS WEARING PE SHIRT W SKIRT,
WHATS SO WRONG ABT THAT ACCORDING TO THE ANNOUNCEMENT HERE?!?!?!

hahahahaha wtf thats totally retarded.
i feel like going to the library on monday AND SHOWING THIS TO THE LIBRARIAN WHO ASKED ME TO GET OUT.

on hindsight, maybe they just put this notice up?
but cannot be, it shld've been there long ago considering the dates stated.

recalling the quarrel w the librarian in rg sec4,
i think i really don't like librarians.

goodbye.

2007-08-31T22:27:00.000+08:00

KNNNNNNN MY GC RAN OUT OF BATTERY HALFWAY WHILE I WAS DOING A MATH PAPER!!

so i had to stop halfway cos i really feel v handicapped without gc.
psychological barrier.

u know i always have to press calculator for everything?
like -2 + 8 = ?

6 LA, STUPID OR WHAT.
but still i'll press calculator to confirm.

i don't trust myself even though its like damn obvious & simple.
i think i've to stop doing that.
cannot waste precious exam time!

anw im still in the ILOVERICE phase now.
i love it so much that i can eat white rice plain.
siao~

im getting a sorethroat, this sucks!

2007-08-30T22:13:00.000+08:00

hello i've been spending more time in the library than at home.
i wouldn't mind camping there HAHA!

i love to mug in the sch library! (:

BUT I GOT CHASED OUT TODAY!?!?!?!?!

"GET LOST!!" hahaha wth stupid woman~

went to mug at 7floor classrm,
w some retarded people playing SKATE-SCOOTER at the corridor HAHAHA

quite scary u know!
what if cannot brake in time before reaching the railings??
u'll just be flung out into the air & down 7 storeys

rmb last yr promos we started throwing chairs in the 7th floor classrm??
charmaine, jib and i.

haha those were the days~

one thing cool abt mugging for A's,
its that we're finally not studying all the retarded lecture notes.
instead we're practising questions which can be quite fun!

except that rj prelim questions can be rather out of the world.

ANW,
after the prata session on monday w timothy and mark,
all my cravings have disappeared! HAHA

instead for the past few days i've been craving for rice.
why rice!?!?!?!

siao~

tues was a terrible day.
i felt that God was v angry w me & my day was just so dark.
i actually felt abandoned, physically and spiritually.

its the first time i've felt that way & it sucked.
i kept calling on God, but i heard no answer.
many times i was on the verge of tears.

even after my usual exercise,
i thought i'd feel invigorated, more spirited.
but i felt more fatigued than ever.

i actually felt deserted by God.
it was a feeling; it might not have been the case.
i don't know.

but i prayed alot, i prayed very hard.

& i guess thats over now.
today im quite energised & thats why im here so late!

haha but im going to sleep now.
gave up on the mug-till-midnight plan.

sleep is important,
i felt the effects of a lack of sleep after 2 days.
cannot take it.

gnite!

2007-08-26T21:57:00.000+08:00

in 2hrs time at the stroke of midnight,
we will declare WAR on prelims/A levels.

everytime i think about it my heartbeat accelerates.
im MEGA scared~

stupid charmaine just prompted me that there're only 12days to mug.
i.e., 3 days per subject.

THAT IS WAY TOO LITTLE TIME OMG

im barely halfway through everything except chem.
maths bio econs damn alot of things to remember & practise!!!!

but well,
no fear because i have God & his army of angels! (:

i guess today He reminded me that He's brought me through 18yrs of exams,
what makes me think this time will be an exception??
God will go before me so why do i fear??

so, i'll try to calm down & have faith.
just do what i've to do, do my thing & be cool yo HAHAHA

i've prepared my brain with all the GP examples,
prepared my body with a 5.5k run,
now all i've to do is to prepare my SOUL with a prayer!

time to sleep & recharge for tmr.
im still feeling v anxious but nvm that shows that its time to pray. haha

GOODNIGHT

2007-08-25T14:46:00.000+08:00

what happened to that peace i felt last week?
dear God, i want it back please.

my heart now is about as peaceful as the al qaeda.

gp paper on monday & im very scared that i'll blank out!
like stare at the 12 essay questions & nothing comes to your mind.

i think i shall continue mugging now.

2007-08-24T21:53:00.000+08:00

hello im here to destress before i resume mugging at 10pm.

yes i didn't type wrongly, sarah is mugging after 10pm.
for 18yrs, i've never mugged after 10pm.

but i decided if i don't do that,
i'll never be prepared for prelims/A's.

i've been feeling rather unsettled & stressed these 2 days.
it's not that i don't have faith; i don't know what it is.

maybe i don't have ENOUGH faith.

perhaps its the realisation that THIS IS THE LAST LAP.
we're really down to the final moment.

considering that the last major national exam we took was PSLE,
which feels like it was way before the ice age,

im pretty freaked out.

speaking of ice age,
i heard over the radio that there might be ANOTHER JURASSIC PARK MOVIE.
donno jurassic park 4 or 5.

wtf can they please stop producing jurassic parks for goodness sake!?!?!?!
haven't people had enough of it alr!?!?!?!

the next time i see jurassic park on channel5 again for the millionth time im gonna throw away my tv.

shit its 10.05pm ok bye TYS here i come

2007-08-21T22:01:00.000+08:00

screw AP/GP & summation & all the freaking patterns!!!!!!!!!!

&#$%*&$#(%&#*!!!!!!!!

HOW TO SEE THE PATTERN?!?!?!?!
WHY I CANNOT SEE?!?!?!?!

omg im freaking pissed.

pls tell me whats this pattern & whats the nth term:
1, 1/3, 3/5, 5/11, ...

yeah obviously i can tell its got some pattern,
BUT WTF IS IT?!?!?!?!

question after question i cannot tell the bloody ffffffing pattern :(

this is probably the only maths topic that i ABSOLUTELY cannot do at all.
& its the topic that made me leave the first page blank in ct2 & robbed me of my A

walao im damn irritated now.

organic chem test today,
bio test tmr on mendel's (i've no idea how to do chi-squared),
biochem test on thurs

everyday got test!?!?!

im immune to tests alr.
"test ah? ok lo."

maybe by november "A levels ah? ok lo."
hahaha i doubt so la

ok sleep early everybody!

2007-08-19T22:50:00.000+08:00

[edit]

wtf im damn bloated with PIZZAAAAHAHAHA!
but its ok im quite pleased & satisfied.

yay (:

thus far i've satisfied 90% of my cravings.
the remaining 10% is forever insatiable, unfortunately.

random:
i can't believe the OXFORD COLOUR DICTIONARY & THESAURUS doesn't have the word diaspora.

i just watched the national day rally in chinese & english.
malay cannot la~
i only know NASI BABI hahaha

got totally confused at the CPF part which was damn confusing
(increase interest rate by 1% but got donno what cap, cap simi sai i also donno)

my parents sat there complaining walao retirement age increase~

i can't imagine myself, at age 70, where would i be?
would i be some hawker centre cleaner. ..

i think i will steal all the leftover food.

would i even be alive.

i don't feel like going sch tmr again but cannot la.
GOOD NIGHT!

2007-08-19T19:00:00.000+08:00

ok screw it, my attempted hiatus was doomed to fail.

i've been cramming stuffs for GP for 3 days,
my brain feels like it weighs 10kg more.

reading all abt financial meltdowns & environmental pollutions & poverty & wars & democracies & press freedom & protectionism. WTHHHH

to summarise all that i've learnt in 4 words:
the world is screwed.

& the heavy rain is terrible.
it wet my jeans & dirtied my slippers.

today im annoyed & i feel unsettled.

bugis people are the most annoying people ever.

they cross the road so freaking slowly & it jams up in the middle & a poor old woman just sits in the middle selling tissue paper & gets squashed by sweaty legs

& they blow so much cigarette smoke into your face that u just wonder why their lungs don't shrivel up & implode immediately

bugis spoils my saturdays and sundays.

after A levels, im never going to bugis again.

ok back to GP,
PIZZA HUT LATER WOOOH (:

2007-08-17T11:27:00.000+08:00

goodbye my friends, it's time say goodbye.

im hopping onto the magic schoolbus & mugging hard for prelims.

i'll TRY to.

i'll be back, soon.

2007-08-15T20:45:00.000+08:00

some random photos from last week:

at j8 playground.
where mk and elijah made friends (or enemies?) with 2 obnoxious p6 boys from cat high.

i feel envious.
there they are wasting countless hours playing some rubbish card game under the playground slide,

while we're at the rj library spending countless hours doing maths/chem.

which, to be honest, isn't exactly all that un-enjoyable.
i quite like this kind of mugging HAHA ITS COOL OK

& this is HUDI NGNG whom im missing terribly cos she's been absent for 2 days!

sry hudi for the rather unglam candid shot hahaha (:

& this is my dream <3

PIZZA!!

the ninja turtle in me is starting to manifest again.

im so in need of pizza right now.

honour&passioning time BYE

2007-08-13T22:53:00.000+08:00

ohshit im addicted to channel8 9pm show.
honour & passion!

its been ages since i've followed any channel8 drama.
all the same old stories HOW BORINGZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZ

but this means that i've to resort to studying in front of the tv,
which is BADDDDD!

but for the sake of my taypinghui & feliciachin, i'll do it.
felicia chin's role so small walao make me angry 1hr show only got like 3mins how disappointing

ok im supposed to sleep at 10pm but i procrastinated

& my school bag is swarming with ants cos of all the accumulated food wrappers.
when i carry my bag, there'll be ants crawling down my hand HAHA JOKE

but don't worry i got my maid to clean it out alr.
come to think of it, all my bags seem to end up infested by ants.
& my maid ends up cleaning them out.

heh.

singapore not enough dustbins la.
i go everywhere eat eat eat then nowhere to throw,
throw in bag lo.

i threw a plastic bag which originally contained PAPAYA into my bag.
& u know papaya sometimes smells like shit?

guess what happened to my bag?

smell like shit also.
nvm i threw away alr.

i mean the plastic bag, not my bag.

ok this is crazy i shld really sleep early.
good night everyone.

btw everybody, say happy birthday to fidel castro.

was watching CNA in the gym this afternoon,
the news said "fidel castro turns 81, but little celebrations expected."

i was just wondering,
whats the VALUE of a news like that?

2007-08-12T22:33:00.001+08:00

be satisfied with that.

its hard to be satisfied, so hard.

but at times like these, i'll look to God.
& i know He'll provide the kind of peace he gave me earlier this week.